Reborn

I've decided to go back to chronicling the random thoughts that come to me. My mind is getting worn down and its nice to put the ideas out so I no longer have to think about them. On that note today was quite an odd moment for me. Now I used to have suicidal thoughts which were mostly comprised of various ways to kill myself because I had naturally assumed that nobody cared. Still unnerving but not scary. The truly terrifying experience is thinking of all the ways that you're so much different than everyone else, realizing that you don't fit in due to how you think or act, and seeing firsthand how little attention you are getting, even from your friends or the girl you love. When you can conclude from all of those things, that almost by fact, you don't matter its a true test of character. I had that happen to me today. Scared the crap out of me when I realized what I'd just done. I'm just glad that I'm able to convince myself of anything that I desire. Frankly I don't want to be worthless. Convincing myself that I'm not, just because I don't want to be. It really was that simple. Surprising to be perfectly honest. At any rate thats my awkward story for the day, or week, or however long until my mind needs to be liberated again.